


The Gang Does Rocky Horror

by ADisgrace



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Crossdressing, Dennis in drag, Gen, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Humor, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, not shippy but slight macdennis bits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 07:09:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5119595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADisgrace/pseuds/ADisgrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rather than staying in and running Paddy's on Halloween, the gang go see Rocky Horror instead.</p><p>A change of scenery doesn't mean a break from the usual hijinks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Gang Does Rocky Horror

**Author's Note:**

> Not an AU, but some knowledge of Rocky Horror may be necessary for the full effect.

**10:17 AM**  
**On a Monday**  
**Philadelphia, PA**

"Cancel your Halloween plans," Dennis says, strolling into the bar, flyer in hand. A young man had been handing them out on a street corner earlier, and while Dennis only accepted one out of curiosity, he was pleasantly surprised by what it advertised. "What am I saying, you hardly have plans," he continues, correcting himself with a scoff.  
  
He places the flyer on the counter, pictures of biting red lips and men in drag proudly facing up. Mac leans forward on his stool and squints down at the page. "Uh Dennis, what does a goth in a corset have to do with our Halloween plans?"  
  
"A goth in a corset," Dennis repeats, derision clear in his voice, "Don't tell me you've never seen, even heard, of Rocky Horror?" He looks to Charlie to share in his disbelief, but Charlie is just as clueless as Mac is.  
  
Let down by the others, he turns to Frank for backup. "Frank, tell me you've seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show, you were around in the seventies."  
  
Frank barely reacts."Never heard of it."  
  
"What?" Dennis is aghast now. Never having seen the film is one thing, but it beggars belief that one could be entirely ignorant of its existence. "How is it possible that you've never even heard of it?"  
  
Frank shrugs. "I spent a lot of the seventies in Colombia. I don't remember a lot of that either." Hazy images of cocaine-fuelled nights come back to him slowly and he can almost feel the Summer heat on his skin.  
  
"How am I the only one who knows what Rocky Horror is? It's a cult classic." Dennis looks around the room and not even the drunken hobos in the booths pay him any mind. The type of person who'd drink at Paddy's at 10am on a Monday morning isn't the sort of person who's lightly phased.  
  
"I've seen Rocky Horror." Dee says, only to be ignored.  
  
"Well fine, this works perfectly with my plan anyway," Dennis begins, regaining his composure. He picks up the flyer from the counter and notes the details. "There's a midnight showing of Rocky Horror on Halloween night and we're going. You should probably familiarize yourself with the soundtrack beforehand so you know the lyrics."  
  
"Dennis, I do know the lyrics," Dee insists, "I went as Columbia to a few showings back in college. I love Rocky Horror, I'm in."  
  
"You bring up a point I wanted to get to, Dee," Dennis says, gesturing at the image of the costumed man. "Rocky Horror has this community aspect to it, a fan engagement. People dress as the characters, they sing , they dance, they throw toilet paper and..."

Frank looks out at Dennis from above his glasses. "And you want us to go see a movie on Halloween instead of keeping the bar open and serving drunken broads in slutty costumes?"  
  
"He has a point, Dennis. Drunk chicks don't usually notice when you short-change them." Dee says, betraying him without a hint of regret in her voice.  
  
Paddy's Pub isn't the most premier of venues, it's nobody's first choice, but everybody goes out to a bar on Halloween and a few of those unfortunate people are bound to end up in Paddy's. Nights like those are a rarity for the pub and the revenue they bring in shouldn't be missed out on.  
  
"That's what I'm saying, Frank," Dennis is brimming with confidence but notes the gang's skeptical eyes and continues on, "C'mon gang, seize the day, feel young. For once let's have a Halloween where we don't brown out. Okay?"  
  
Dennis gets close to Mac, too close, neglecting his personal space. "Mac, I think you should be Rocky." Although Mac is completely unaware of the plot of the film or the personalities of the characters, he knows that the title role must be important. Blissfully ignorant of who his character is and what he'll have to wear, Mac accepts his role with pride.  
  
"And I'll be Columbia." Dee's already wondering if she still has her old red wig boxed up somewhere.  
  
"Dee, Dee, Dee..." Dennis shakes his head. "You don't honestly think I'll let you be Columbia, do you? We all know that if you were trusted with the position of Columbia you'd do the accent. Sure, you might promise to speak in your normal voice but we all know that you'd slip back into it. We'd have the same trouble if you were Magenta. You're going as Janet, Dee, it's been decided."  
  
Dennis moves around the gang, dishing out the rest of the roles. He moves towards Charlie first. "You'll be Brad."  
  
"Gotcha." There are no arguments from Charlie, given that all the characters are equally foreign to him.  
  
"Frank, you'll be Dr. Scott," Again, there no disagreements, "And I'll be Frank."  
  
"Hold on, a minute," Frank narrows his eyes, "If there's a Frank in this thing shouldn't I be him? Saves me trying to remember my character's name."  
  
"Oh please, Frank. You've never seen Rocky Horror, you have no idea what the role entails. And the costume!" Dennis grabs the flyer again and waves it in Frank's face until he's sure he's gotten a good look. "I'm the only one here with the body or the cheekbones to pull off Frank N. Furter.  
  
Dennis takes a breath, steadies himself. "I'll send you all reference images of your characters. You have until Halloween night to get your outfits ready."  


* * *

 In the lead up to Halloween Dennis has organised his costume and perfected the necessary makeup. He's no stranger to dolling himself up, it's just that he's not used to doing such a severe smokey eye and it takes some practicing. But he reckon it's a good look on him.

It also takes some convincing to get Mac into a pair of shiny golden hotpants. Initially, after first seeing an image of Rocky, Mac was unwilling to so much as try on the costume. But with some coaxing, flattery and assurances that he's the only one in the gang with the muscular gym body needed to pull off Rocky, he comes around.  
  
The shoulder of vodka he brings with him en route to collect Dee on Halloween night certainly helps lower his inhibitions.  
  
Dennis arrives in front of Dee's apartment a little earlier than arranged but she's ready and waiting to go when he pulls up. Her hair is perfectly styled, clipped up at the sides and hanging down in curls. She'd gone to great lengths scouring second hand shops for the ideal button down dress and she looks the spitting image of Janet Weiss.  
  
Only it's not an exact replication. The dress may be the perfect cut, but the shade is off, and Dennis notices. "Janet wears a baby pink, not salmon, Dee! Did you even look at the reference pictures I sent you?"  
  
The issue is soon forgotten though, when they reach Frank and Charlie's place and find that Frank hasn't so much as attempted to assemble a costume. At least Charlie had tried. His olive green jacket is a close enough match to Brad's tan one, and Charlie had managed to find himself a clean shirt and a pair of fake glasses.  
  
"Look don't worry about it," Frank assures them, "My character is just a guy in a wheelchair right? We'll swing by the hospital and borrow one."  
  
"Frank, patients actually need those." Dee says, sounding in no way surprised by his suggestion.  
  
"So what?," Frank sneers,  brushing aside all concerns, "We'll drop it back tonight. They won't even notice it's gone."  
  
Nobody says anything, neither agreeing nor disagreeing, but Dennis makes a sharp turn and takes them in the direction of the hospital. Traffic is bad in this part of the city. It might just be that people are busy making their way towards the location of their own Halloween plans, or it might be that there are a lot of people with Halloween related injuries heading to the hospital too. There are always those public service announcements on television  around this time of year. Tragic scare stories reminding people to be careful around fireworks and bonfires, people with pumpkin carving related injuries, and  stories of people whose costumes caught fire and now they're scarred for life. Maybe there wouldn't be any wheelchairs left for them to take.  
  
Charlie rustles in the middle of the backseat, twisting and contorting himself in awkward positions as he tries to rescue something he sees hidden behind the seat. He climbs backwards towards the window, accidently giving Frank a light kick in the shoulder, and narrowly avoiding Dee's head.  
  
"Hey look what I found," Charlie says, clutching a blanket as he settles back into his seat. "You can use it for your costume, your guy has a blanket over his legs, right Frank?"  
  
"Yeah, good work, Charlie." Frank says as he nurses a bruising shoulder.  
  
Traffic eventually clears and soon they're parked across from the ambulance bay with the lights in the car switched off to conceal themselves. They watch as paramedics come and go, rushing patients on gurneys inside and leaving again in hurry. Dennis waits until it's calmer outside before he turns to Charlie. "Okay so I want you go grab a wheelchair from inside the doorway, walk out calmly, like you're about to collect someone. When you get to the car, shove it into the backseat, I'll have it running and we'll speed out of here."

"What dude? Why do I always get the worst jobs?" Charlie adopts a sarcastic tone, "Charlie scrub the toilets, Charlie go steal from a hospital."  
  
"Charlie you look the most inconspicuous," Dennis waves a hand, gesturing to his torso. He'd draw to much attention to himself if he were to grab the wheelchair in a corset and fishnets. He also doubts his ability to run in heels, if it comes to it.  
  
Frustrated, Charlie makes his way through the ambulance bay as he tries to convince himself that he doesn't look at all suspicious. Hopefully the glasses make him look distinguished. He quietly grabs a wheelchair and slowly heads back towards the car without anyone paying him any mind.  
  
He opens the door to the car on Dee's side and quickly thrusts the wheelchair in, squishing Dee in the process. He climbs in behind it and Dennis takes off in a hurry.  


* * *

  
The detour to the hospital and the line for the popcorn impacts their scheduling and they arrive a little later than they'd like, but they manage to secure a good seat anyway. Frank uses the wheelchair to feign a genuine disability and the cinema staff usher them to the front row where they're given a perfect view of the screen and plenty of legroom. Despite earlier hesitations, borrowing the wheelchair has really worked out for the best for them. 

  
The only possible thing that could potentially put a dampener on the mood are the signs dotted around the cinema, forbidding the throwing of items at the screen, breaking Rocky Horror tradition. Dennis had come prepared and stuffed rolls of toilet paper and packages of rice into Dee's bag, as well as a hip flask full of absinthe, but he won't let the rules stop him. He'll allow some other fan to lead the way and he'll join in when he knows the ushers won't pull him out and make an example of him.  
  
The film soon begins and it's not long before Brad is onscreen, proposing to Janet. Charlie, the Brad of the gang, doesn't much appreciate it when Mac and Dennis joke that he's finally had a proposal accepted, but he tries to ignore them and focuses on the screen. Dee seems to be enjoying herself, quietly singing along to the first song and she proves to be a positive distraction from Dennis and Mac's jibes.  
  
The shadow cast play along, their lines coming as easy to them as their A-B-C's. Their costumes are so accurate they look as though they've just stepped out of the screen, the woman playing Janet is wearing baby pink, not salmon. The same praise could be said for a large section of the audience, the seats are filled with doppelgangers of the Rocky Horror cast.  
  
Men confidently strut around in their fishnets or gold shorts, whereas Mac is sobering up and beginning to feel a bit shy. He shouldn't have let himself be persuaded into wearing  the shorts, they ride up when he walks. And while he wouldn't admit to himself, or even properly identify the feeling, the sheer number of buff, near-naked men is shaking Mac's pretence of heterosexuality. He left the last of the vodka in Dee's bag, he fishes it out in hopes it'll loosen him up.  
  
The iconic scene with the Time Warp comes onscreen and the audience erupts in song. The gang have plenty of room to dance in the front row, and given that the steps are told through the lyrics, Mac and Charlie have no trouble following along. Frank, resigned to the wheelchair, fights all urges to tap his feet to the music, lest he give away the scheme.  
  
When the song ends, Frank N. Furter makes his musical debut and Dennis turns to whisper to Mac, "Damn, I should have gotten a cape like his, it really would've tied the whole costume together."  
  
The gang enjoy the rest of the film, singing, dancing, and laughing at the screen. Dennis' flask is passed around along with the popcorn and they all drink and feel merry. If this were any other film or any other night, they'd be thrown out for being so rambunctious, but this is Rocky Horror and their behaviour is encouraged.  
  
It reaches the point of the film where Frank introduces his creation and it feels a little weird to Mac, Dennis never mentioned that his character was built in a lab. Maybe he should just be glad his character finally showed up, but it's odd that Dennis' character is so obsessed with his. It's odder still that Dennis mimics those playful touches, those adoring looks. He knows it's only acting but it's still weird. Not bad. Just... surreal, he supposes.  
  
He's not sure what to make of it all. His thoughts are a blurred, drunken mess and he can't reach a conclusion to anything. Most of the night is foggy from there, but he remembers when it all goes to shit.  
  
It happens during a song. Janet, Dee's character is singing about how much she wants to bang Rocky, Mac's character. Janet's very into the whole thing, ripping off parts of her clothing and placing Rocky's hands over her breasts. She sings graphically about how much she wants to be touched and Dee does the same.  
  
Dee, with her cursed flair for the dramatic, sings the lyrics at Mac, expecting he'll act along with her. Even when it's only pretend, the very suggestion of him and Dee in that context is utterly detestable to Mac. Harmlessly, Mac motions like he were skipping a stone, and flicks a piece of popcorn at Dee.  
  
Now challenged, she simply must retaliate. She grabs her bag from underneath her seat and retrieves a roll of toilet paper. She tears off sheet after sheet, balling them up, and she and Charlie fire them one by one at Mac.  
  
All out war begins and Dennis grabs fists full of popcorn from the bucket and assists Mac in tearing down Dee and Charlie.  
  
Frank's wheelchair is positioned right in the middle of the two feuding sides, Dee and Charlie are to right of him by the aisle, Mac and Dennis to his left. Stuck between them, he bears the brunt of most of what is thrown, and in an effort to get it to stop, he lunges for Dee's bag, stealing her arsenal.  
  
What should have put a stop to the madness only sets a new target. Both sides yearn for the bag, and all four of them pounce for it at once. The force of four people landing on a wheelchair all at the onetime sends it and Frank hurtling towards the screen. Neither the screen or the wheelchair make it out of the collision unscathed. The world goes black when the film cuts out and Frank is almost certain that he sees a wheel rolling off into the distance as he crawls away from the wreckage.  
  
The sound may be gone from the screen, but the booing from the crowd is louder than anything else heard that night. Quickly the gang make a mad dash for the emergency exist before security or an angry fan can get hold of them.  
  
Dennis finds he can run in heels when he needs to, and the wheelchair never makes it back to the ambulance bay.

 

  
  



End file.
